i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
