Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
