I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it hurts more in the daytime
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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