just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
