Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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