We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
