What did we do last night that was yellow?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
