Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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