I wish my penis had an off switch
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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