If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
