who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
