your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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