How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
