Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm sobbing to NWA
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
