When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
