I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
