he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
