In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
