Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
