I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
