we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
