True but thats because hes a fetus.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
