Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
