used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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