So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
