Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
