I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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