he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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