quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
