tell your sister to shave her snatch
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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