I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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