I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
