did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
