I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
