K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
