Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
