we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
