I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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