had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
