she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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