I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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