Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
