Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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