dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
