; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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