And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
