There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
