I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
