wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
no you cant smoke seaweed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
