I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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