Buhtt sex?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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